Protecting Sacred Spaces

My name is Zach. I work primarily in financial planning when I am not with my family. There are a few things that get me fired up: my faith in Jesus Christ, my family, and coaching other people to avoid the mistakes I have made.

My wife and I have 4 daughters. Our first was delivered in a hospital the middle twins were a scheduled c-section, and our fourth was delivered safely at home. We also lost a child to miscarriage between our first and our twins.  We've done it all. We have fought hard about my role in the birth room because I felt uncomfortable, out of place, and clumsy in that unique space. She felt scared, alone, and out of control. In my insecurity, I told her over and over again that I was present beside her doing the things she had asked for ahead of time. It has taken me years to be able to hear that she was not really saying that I did a bad job, she was saying that she felt scared, alone, and out of control. She was saying that she did not feel like that space was sacred, safe, and protected. 

I have joked for years that most of human history had it right - birth should be a woman-only space. I believed this because I have observed how the birth room touches women's hearts in a way that it does not for most of the men I have encountered (myself included). I thought it was a foolish twist of modern society to put dads in the birth room. I was wrong. I have come to realize through many long and hard conversations with my wife, my mentors, and in prayer with God that I have a powerfully important role in the birth room. 

The birth of our fourth was amazing! My wife felt safe and close to me. She felt that the space was sacred and protected. She felt free to be out of control (which is a reality of birth). I want every husband to be able to experience what I did. I want to save some of the heartache between you and your wife and give you the tools to be a mighty protector of your wife at her most vulnerable.